You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
