I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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