Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
