My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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