we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
