I showed him my bush... on skype.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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