gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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