You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
