hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
