So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
