there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
