My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
