Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
