please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Help. Why am I so naked?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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