This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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