Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
