I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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