oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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