Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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