btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize