this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
