that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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