Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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