If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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