hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
