You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
