He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
