yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
