Christians are straight up FREAKS
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
