Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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