The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize