i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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