its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
