no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
