He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
