Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
