So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
