There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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