Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
