the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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