Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
