My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
