So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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