the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
