I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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