Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
