I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
