shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
