She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
