I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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