My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When did angry sex become our thing?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
