Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I deserve this hangover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
