I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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