But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
