Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His hands were made for my vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
