lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
