Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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