Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
