she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
