Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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