she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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