you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
