Just cropdusted the office
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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