Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
