So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
