If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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