Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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