no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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