I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
