oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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