I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
