Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
