Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
