he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize