I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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