omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
