Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
