Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
