And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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