We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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