Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
