I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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