I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
