evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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