Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
