At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
