he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
