Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
