btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
