What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
