My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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