Buhtt sex?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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