sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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