Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
