I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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