I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
